Right Hand Man
by peroxidepest17
Summary: Gokudera hates how reliable Yamamoto is.


**Title:** Right Hand Man  
**Universe:** Katekyo Hitman Reborn!  
**Theme/Topic:** Post-Gamma Fight  
**Rating:** PG-13 for swearing?  
**Character/Pairing/s:** Gokudera, Yamamoto  
**Warnings/Spoilers:** Spoilers through Ch 155 of the manga.  
**Word Count:** 1,326  
**Summary:** Gokudera hates how reliable Yamamoto is.  
**Dedication:** short, introspective ficlet thing for jadeprince's request on my request meme. SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG AND THAT IT SUCKS; I like, wrote, rewrote, deleted, and wrote again more times than I can count. JUST NOT GOOD AT THIS KIND OF STUFF.  
**A/N:** Of course I saved this for last because it was the hardest to do; I essentially have no idea as to what's going on in the manga post Ch 156.  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, unfortunately.  
**Distribution:** Just lemme know.

* * *

When Tsuna lets him know that Yamamoto is alive and doing well Gokudera's relief is strong enough to overpower his resentment for just a moment; he sighs and lays his head back on the pillow, takes a deep breath.

_Of course Yamamoto is fine_, he thinks, _he's too stupid to die_.

He falls asleep feeling slightly better—but not much—and wonders which of them is in _worse_ condition.

When he wakes up some hours later and sees Yamamoto's stupid smiling face sitting at his bedside, he gets his answer. He's not sure if it's the one he wanted or not.

He tries not to think about it.

"What do you want?" he grumbles to Yamamoto instead, and is vaguely horrified to notice he sounds more embarrassed than annoyed when he talks.

Yamamoto's smile never falters. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine. Go away."

"Your injuries…"

"Aren't any better or worse than yours," Gokudera snaps, and groans when his chest twitches the wrong way from yelling.

Yamamoto doesn't notice, or pretends not to. "Okay!" he chuckles. "That's good."

And Gokudera thinks that this is one of the big things he hates about the baseball moron; that stupid, self-assured belief that _everything will work out as long as you believe it will_.

He wants to punch Yamamoto in the face right now, would do it if it wouldn't rip stitches open. How can he sit there smiling like an idiot?

_Jyuudaime is dead_, Gokudera thinks to himself, _in this world your stupid self-confidence didn't work and it's probably all your fault that Jyuudaime is dead._

It's what he wants to say, but the better part of him knows that if it's anyone's fault, it's probably _his_.

Because even if Yamamoto is an insufferable moron, at the very least he's a reliable one.

More reliable than Gokudera is in any case—the fights with Mukuro's subordinates and the ring conflict with Varia more than proved that.

Sometimes he thinks he hates that the most about Yamamoto, even more than the whole insufferable moron part of his personality. The fact that he's as strong as he is. The fact that Gokudera knows he isn't as strong. The knowledge that if Reborn were to pick between the two of them right here right now, Yamamoto would be the one to stand at Tsuna's right hand.

Right now, between the two of them, he's the only one who deserves to.

Because Yamamoto has proven time and time again that he's stronger, more trustworthy, more dependable; he did it the first time by defeating Joshima after Gokudera had fallen to Kakimoto on the street, and then again by beating Squallo after Gokudera had lost his ring to Bellphegor in the storm battle.

It's like the emergence of some sort of annoying pattern; whenever Gokudera fails, Yamamoto is there to pick up the slack for the both of them. He's the go to guy, the one everyone can count on no matter what.

They can believe in him to succeed.

And it's not even envy that Gokudera feels when he realizes this, or even resentment against Yamamoto, not really. Rather, it is a deep sort of self-loathing he experiences, for never being able to measure up quite as well despite how big he talks, despite how hard he works.

He hates that Yamamoto makes him doubt himself like this.

And that's why they're sitting here like this right now, isn't it? Gokudera had had enough of that, had enough of turning around and relying on Yamamoto when he couldn't find his own strength to win. He hadn't wanted Yamamoto's help against Gamma because it feels like he's_always_ had his help; in every single fight Yamamoto has come through when Gokudera has been unable to on his own.

As reliable as Yamamoto is, Gokudera doesn't want to become someone who depends on that idiot. He wants to find his own two feet.

But then again, here they are. Ten years into the future and without a Jyuudaime; Gokudera can't help but wonder if that's because he'd _never_ found his own two feet, if his constant, consistent failures and weaknesses are the reason why Tsuna no longer exists in this time.

All because he wasn't strong enough to become Jyuudaime's Right Hand Man after all.

He groans to himself at the thought, clutches his chest when it squeezes inexplicably at the thought.

Had his own selfishness led them to this hell? His inability to accept Yamamoto's strength?

"Oi, Gokudera… is something the matter?" the taller boy asks, blinking down in concern at his classmate when he sees Gokudera's pained expression. "Should I call someone?"

"No. Leave me alone for a second, would you?" Gokudera snaps, and forces himself to relax the muscles in his back, tells himself to calm down before he starts bleeding again.

That won't do anyone any good. Least of all Jyuudaime.

Maybe it's time to rethink things. Maybe it's time to let go of stupid pride for the Jyuudaime's sake, to capitulate and do what's best for everyone. Because if Gokudera is anything he's the smart one, the rational one. The one who can do what's best for everyone.

And so he takes a deep breath, looks sideways at Yamamoto with a blend of distaste and envy. Someone strong like that… that's who is ultimately the best choice for Jyuudaime's Right Hand, isn't it? Gokudera has no one to blame but himself for falling short of expectations.

He sighs, feeling more tired now than the first time he woke up, and lets his bangs fall into his face. "Hey," he begins, and is so embarrassed to be saying this that he could die.

"Hmm?"

He reaches out, puts a hand gingerly on Yamamoto's shoulder. "Next time… if I can't…you know, if I'm not…enough…" he trails off, snarls to himself. "Look! Just be sure to protect Jyuudaime from now on, okay?" he manages after a while, and ends up saying less than half of what he'd meant to say. "I'm counting on you."

A beat.

Then Yamamoto smiles. "Sure. That's what we do, right?"

Gokudera wants to slap a hand to his forehead. "No, that's not what I mea…"

"Though," Yamamoto begins after a moment, looking thoughtful, "We sure were lucky that Hibari-san showed up this time, weren't we?" He sits back and chuckles amiably. "I guess the both of us have a lot of training to do still. We've got to get stronger."

Gokudera blinks. "Huh?"

Yamamoto grins. "Since we both got beat up so bad, right? We'll definitely have to work hard and be ready for the next fight."

"Um…"

"I just came to say train hard, okay?" Yamamoto explains, and runs a hand through his hair sheepishly. "Reborn says we'll probably start working as soon as tomorrow. Tsuna too."

Gokudera blinks. "Jyuudaime too…"

"Yup! So, rest up while you can!"

Yamamoto stands and flashes a thumbs up then, before hobbling stiffly out of the room. "Tomorrow's going to be a busy day!" He laughs at himself when he can't make it all the way out the door without using the wall for support.

Gokudera watches him go.

"Tomorrow…"

A moment.

And then he leans back and flops a forearm over his eyes suddenly, finds himself laughing inexplicably at that stupid idiot's stupid, carefree words.

Tomorrow. With Jyuudaime. Another day.

Another chance to get stronger.

_He's not dead yet,_ Gokudera thinks, and feels energized suddenly, _I have a long way to go, but he's not dead yet_. _Right here, right now, he's okay._

He almost wants to throw something after Yamamoto when he realizes, when he figures out what's going on. _Idiot! You hobbled all the way over here just to say that? Rest yourself before you tell others what to do!_

Gokudera snorts in disgust and tells himself that there is no way in hell he is going to lose to that moron. Never again.

Tomorrow's a new day.

**END**


End file.
